So friends. The time has come for me to end Tea with Kate. I've loved blogging here, but honestly it no longer brings me happiness or inspiration. I have not loved what this place has turned into and wanted to redefine what I was blogging about.
I'll be posting from here on out on Simple & Whole. I will be posting all about my faith and why it has made me the person it's made me. If I can play any small part in bringing anyone closer to God, I will feel like I have a purpose on this earth.
Thank you for all those who followed along here and for all those who commented or emailed me! It was because of you that I kept posting for so long. Peace out peeps.
GUYS I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL! HELLO SUMMER HELLO FREEDOM HELLO HAPPINESS! After walking out of my last test on Thursday I felt so elated, I cant even tell you. I got in my car, and blasted song number one up there...and then went and picked up my friend and went shopping. Wasn't planning on buying anything and spent $100.... #FinalsMadeMeDoIt #Whoops.
I just discovered Family and Friends and I'm honestly obsessed. I could listen to this song all day, and probably will for the next 6 months. I'm going to put together a little playlist of my favorite summer jams for all of you cause what is summer without music? What is LIFE without music really?? If there's a way I can get a job making playlists for Spotify, let me know how that's possible cause wouldn't that be a dream.
So about a year ago, I invested in a Moleskine Journal and it is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I wasn't quite sure how I would use it when I first bought it, but it has turned into the place where I express my creativity. I use it to journal and write down thoughts creatively, whether it be in poetry form or otherwise; I write down quotes I like and doodle little things in it that come to my mind. In addition to that, these books are filled with a whole lot of feelings haha. I have another journal that I write down day-to-day thoughts and happenings, but this is specifically for me to express and get inspired. It's not perfect, I wouldn't call myself any kind of super talented artist or poet, but doing it bring me so much joy. I'm on my second journal now and am almost done with it, I can't wait to start another one! I thought I'd share just a few of my little doodles, just for fun. Enjoy!
LOL one night a friend and I were talking on the phone and we said this ^. We were laughing so hard and decided to make it our life motto, so of course I wrote it down. Haha it's probably only funny to me.
So last year I was OBSESSED with Noah Gunderson. Seriously he was kinda all I listened to. But as you know when you do that sort of obsessive listening you tend to get a little burned out, which is exactly what happened unfortunately...so it's been quite some time since I've listened to good 'ol Noah. Then the other day I was reminded of him out of nowhere and decided to give him another listen....and holy cow I totally forgot how amazing he is! It's just the kind of music that you plug in and let your mind go, and that's the best kind of music in my opinion.
So the title of this post is extremely misleading because honestly this is something that I'm pretty terrible at. I am in no position to tell anyone how to stop trying to control everything and everyone in their lives...I can't even figure out how to do it myself.
I think this past year or so has been the most refining year of my life. It has brought many, many challenges and as a result, huge amounts of growth. I feel like I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog how challenging this year has been, and I don't want it to come off as if I'm complaining. Because to be quite honest, I am extremely grateful. Right now I feel like I am the best version of myself I have yet to be and that is a wonderful feeling.
Of course though, I still have an incredible amount of growing still left to do. And through all these challenges I have still had a pretty hard time with one particular weakness: letting go of control. Guys I am a CONTROL FREAK. I am a planner, an organizer, a doer; I'm pretty freaking OCD. I am NOT one of those spontaneous people that can just pick up and go at the drop of a hat (and people who are like that seriously stress me out). I have my days planned down to a T; I live by my to-do lists. To sum it up, my life is a happy place when I feel like I know and have control over what's coming my way.
It's been pretty amazing how many situations have come into my life as of late that have required me to give up so much of my control and knowledge of the future. And I know Heavenly Father is giving me these challenges for a reason (He knows what I need to learn...dang it). After I got my mission call, it was such an overwhelmingly hard thing to say no when I had no idea what would come my way if I stayed. Going on a mission is a pretty sure thing (for the most part). It's mostly predictable, it is always a good decision. So saying no to something so so good without knowing the why and the what for feeling the need to stay was tough.
It's so hard to be the person that I am and live in a world where SO many things are out of my control. This world is so unpredictable. And for a person who finds happiness in the predictability of things, saying, "I don't know what's going to happen but I know it'll work out," often feels like I'm lying to myself. It's so hard sometimes to feel things so so strongly about situations or people and yet have no control over the outcome.
But here's one thing I do know for sure. Heavenly Father loves me. And you. And every single person on this earth. And even more, He has a plan for every single one of us as well. His plan is not for us to be eternally miserable (it's called the Plan of Happiness for a reason). His plan is not to keep us in the dark all of our lives.
But, His plan does require us to have FAITH. Faith in Him, faith in what he has in store for you, and faith that it will all be okay. For a person like me, sometimes having FAITH and not KNOWLEDGE is very very hard. But I know that it is His way. And I know that if I stay strong in my faith, one day the unknown will become clear.
Ether 12:6 says it far better than I ever could: "And now, I Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness after the trial of your faith."
It was my New Year's Resolution this year to learn to take it a day at a time and just go with the flow, man. To take each day for what it is and not feel like I have to plan my weeks/months/years out ahead of time. Essentially, I am trying to learn to just plan on the unpredictable. More than anything, it has been my goal to let faith lead the way; to put my life in His hands and just simply realize that my ways are not His ways. Cause guys....His ways are way wayyyy better.
If you were wondering what I do in my free time....here you go. Hahaha my roommates weren't home, so naturally I blasted music and had a dance party in my room by myself....and then filmed it on photobooth. Cause what else are you supposed to do when you're bored?? Honestly I think I could live on a desert island alone and completely entertain myself. #NoShame
So hi blogging friends. It's been something like 500 years since I've posted. Life has been somewhat INSANE to say the least. I moved down to Provo two weeks ago, started school and a new job...so my days have been absolutely jam packed. Which not gonna lie, I absolutely love when my life is like this. There is nothing that makes me happier than being productive. Laziness is unhappiness, the end.
This song has long been one of my favorites and I just felt like posting it today. Oscar Isaac has the most beautiful voice and this song is just perfect perfect perfect. One day I'll post something other than music and get around to being creative again...I'll find the time haha. Have a lovely weekend friends!
Yesterday was a good day. A really good day. I drove down to Provo for a job interview and got a call back 30 minutes after I'd left saying I got the job. Then I got to meet one of my absolute best friends Eliza for lunch and a quick catch up, which was just what I needed to feel better about some ugh situations. The weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL so when I got back to Salt Lake my friend Katelyn and I spontaneously decided to go on a hike up Ferguson Canyon. We laughed our bums off and took tons of goofy pictures so it was a real good time. Then to top off the magical day my good pal took me on an hour long nighttime motorcycle ride around the valley.
Ahhh it was just one of those days sent from the gods; you know where everything just seems to align perfectly and you just want to shout for joy at how blessed you are. After a crappy weekend it was absolutely what I needed to feel like life was gonna be alright ya know? Aaaand then today I got a flat tire on my way to work lolol so ya know, you win some you lose some. But the amazingness of yesterday has carried over today, keeping my spirits high. So hey, I'm not stressing yo, I'm pretty sure life is going to be a-okay. Thumbs up to that.
I'm thinking about pursuing a career in modeling. Or at least part-time modeling. Probably gonna have to keep my normal job though.
Self timers lololol.
Hahhhh...this is the weirdest music post I've ever done. So today on this wonderful lazy Sunday I've been watching a bit of The Office and I was like WAIT HOLD UP. This is actually way good! I haven't seen this episode since it was on TV 3 years ago and I'd forgotten how great this cover was. No this isn't a joke lol dead serious, this got all the feels going. Yeah yeah I know, Sarah McLachlan is way cheesy and yeah, this show is goofy as heck....but hey. I'm feeling a little bit sentimental today so I'm digging it.
Life is full of changes lately! Friends getting married, moving away, me transferring to BYU (moving to Provo in 3 weeks wait what??) I'm not gonna lie, I'm not a big fan of change (is anyone? idk) but this time around, these changes are feeling so so good. These past couple months I've been feeling in such a rut in life. Nothing particularly bad has happened these past few months, life has been fine, but nothing really that great has been happening either. I'm craving something new, a change of scenery, new challenges, meeting new people.. it's slightly terrifying but I've also never been more excited. I feel something great coming, I'm not sure what and I know these changes will bring challenges for sure, but something in me tells me that good things are on the way.
Also if anyone knows of any jobs hiring in Provo, hit me up ;)
So yesterday I went to the grocery store to buy batteries and came out with a bouquet flowers. This kind of thing happens to me pretty regularly...haha I can never pass up pretty blooms when I see um. Also it's spring and 70 degrees outside which just fueled the need for the these beauties even more. Hope everyone has the happiest weekend!
So Brooke Taylor posted on her blog just the other day about when stupid people hurt your feelings. And I love her for it because EVERYONE can relate. Sometimes when a boy breaks up with me or I'm rejected by some job that I totally thought I was qualified for or didn't get into the school I wanted, in my head I know (I KNOW) that it probably wasn't the right thing and I should be grateful it didn't work out. But yet, my heart is still hurt and I'm still just a little bit bitter about it. Because when ANYONE is telling you that you aren't good enough or cool enough to hang out with, it hurts...no matter how much you tell yourself you don't care.
BUT HEY. Life is still awesome and you're still awesome. And when you let it go you realize what that better thing was that was waiting around the corner. The hurt feelings settle and we laugh about how much we cared about what this person or job or school thought about us.
I recently was broken up with by a guy who I knew wasn't right for me, but I realllly let it get to me. Throughout the relationship I hadn't felt sure about it and had always felt he was a bit more into it than I was and then all of a sudden...he wasn't and I was left like, "Wait what the heck just happened??" And to top it all off he broke up with me through a text. A TEXT. Yeah, I know. That right there should've been enough for me to know it wasn't worth it. Looking back on it now, I think I was more upset by the rejection than the actual thing itself which is so dumb. I knew it wouldn't have been right and that it was probably for the best, yet I still felt so hurt by the whole thing... I mean honestly he is a great guy, a truly truly wonderful person who I had lots of fun with, and yes it was sad that it ended. But he wasn't my guy and even though I knew it, I let it stress me out. Such a silly situation now! Haha but that's why I love this song...doesn't it just describe all of this so perfectly?? Let it go. Just let be.
Why is having insomnia such a trend these days?? Haha I don't get it but it makes me laugh. I don't know if I have insomnia but I've had sleep issues for as long as I can remember...guys come on I couldn't sleep wayyy before it was trendy lol.
Especially lately though, I've been having the hardest time sleeping. Some of it is probably due to stress (tons of decision making going on here), but I swear.... I go through phases like this where for like a week or even a couple of weeks in a row getting to sleep will be a struggle. Some nights lately I've been awake till 5 or 6 am, just laying there staring at my ceiling (and watching tons of Friends) when I'll finally conk out for a couple of hours from pure exhaustion. And some of these nights I am soooo tired when I get in bed and don't feel the least bit stressed, but yet I can't sleep.
Then all of a sudden, for whatever reason, my body realizes that sleep is good and everything is fine again! What is that? It's the weirdest cycle. Honestly, why are some people super good at sleeping and others can't quite seem to figure out how to do it? It's lame. Straight up lame
When it comes to sleep remedies, I feel like I've tried it all. Some have worked great. Others have been sort of meh. But I have not yet found a cure all to my sleep problems. *Sigh*
- Melatonin is definitely helpful...except it gives you the weirdest dreams, what's that about?
- Zzzquil is great for when you just need something to knock you out quick...but also tends to make you feel a bit groggy in the morning.
- Chamomile Tea before bed with a good book or Netflix is a great way to calm down if your still feeling wound up from the day. But it doesn't always make me feel drowsy and really that's the part I often need help with.
- Making sure to do some sort of exercise during the day is important to getting a good nights rest. Sitting on my bum all day long usually results in lots of pent up energy and cramped muscles that always seem to start screaming at night. The days I head to the gym usually result in better, more restful nights. But it's not foolproof... some days I work out and still can't sleep so honestly, I just don't know people.
I have come to terms with the fact that I really am more of a night person, for some reason the night is usually when I get a burst of energy. It's like 9 o'clock hits and I'm all "LET'S CURE CANCER! WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY RUNNING 5 MILES! WHO WANTS TO PARTY!"
I have this dream where I'm this awesome morning person who goes to bed early, wakes up at 6 am and gets tons of stuff done in the morning. I'm trying! I believe that dreams can come true! Haha once I figure out how to fall asleep at a regular time every night, maybe it will happen.
My fellow sleepless friends!! What are your proven sleep remedies? Help a sister out!
Okay so it's been 500 years since I've posted any music. This song isn't new and is pretty well-known but I've been listening to it nonstop the past little while. I heard this song on Grey's Anatomy a few weeks ago.....hate on the show if you want to (though it's amazing so you shouldn't lol) but honestly I have to say that Grey's has the best soundtrack of almost any show I've seen. Every episode I swear I'm Shazamming some song or another.
In other news, I just watched the last episode of Parks and Rec so brb cuz crying. Wait sorry that I get way too invested in TV shows. I decided today that I'm going to stop watching so much Netflix and start reading more cause it's probably better for my brain, right? Hey, recommend some books to me why dontcha. What are your favs??
So my friend Jordan needed some new headshots done and I was lucky enough to get to shoot them for him. As you know, taking pictures of people is my favorite thing to do but I especially love it when they're as easy to photograph as Jordan is. Seriously, isn't he a babe? And he's single ladies, so like if you want, I can hook you up ;)
Happy Monday friends! I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I spent mine seeing movies and watching the Oscars. My family has an awesome Oscar party every year with tons of food (holla at chocolate fondue, you my boothang foreva) (<---I've also been watching Orange is the New Black and think I'm a ghetto prison chick now, who am I). Of course my cute mom always has everyone fill out a ballot with their predictions and this year I was a the winner, guessing four out of the five biggies right. Guys I never win I was STOKED.
So social media... I think it is both the funnest and most stressful thing. I feel like lately so many of us are feeling the pressure of living up to what we see all of our friends posting online. Seeing everyone's posts about the awesome time people are having traveling, being in love, looking perfectly cute always....so often makes me feel like my Netflix-watching, sweats-wearing life is so less than. And I KNOW I am not alone in feeling this way.
The funny thing is I've had so many people tell me, "Oh my goodness I love all of your Instagram posts, you always just look so cute and are going on such fun adventures all the time!" This is usually followed with me awkwardly laughing, thanking them and then feeling like the biggest fraud in the entire world. Most days I don't do my hair... I wear workout clothes and don't shower for several days in a row....which is the farthest thing from cute. I watch wayyy WAYYY too much Netflix and my days are spent at work slaving away just like most people.
Social media causes us to forget that everyone is struggling just like we are. We see everyone's awesome side but we don't see anyone's not-so-awesome side. I mean we all have SO many talents and are good at so many things. And we shouldn't stop sharing them either. I love being creative and taking pictures and yes, I care about my style and love going on fun adventures when I can. BUT I also am not so good at things too. I suck at waking up at the morning. I drink way too much caffeine and I am overly dramatic about lots of situations. I get emotional and cry about something dumb at least twice a week and sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. It's important to remember we are all REAL people.
Be Bona Fide, a super cool new company, is working to promote this realness online. They want us all to remember that you are just as awesome as everyone else and just as real too. They made that super cute shirt that I'm wearing up there and have so many other cool patterns as well. Check them out and show them a little love! Perfection isn't fun or interesting, so let's join their efforts and be a little more bona fide.
So I don’t often get super personal on here…but today I feel inspired to share a bit more than usual. I’ve gone back and forth on what I should say about this little piece of my life, I hope my words do it justice. Really guys, hardly anyone knows this about me, just my close friends and immediate family. But here goes!
On December 17, 2014, I received a mission call to serve in the California San Diego mission, as well as at the Mormon Battalion Church Site. I was to report to the Provo MTC on March 25, 2015 to prepare to preach the gospel in the English language. But, I have made the decision to stay. Okay okay...let’s talk about how I got here.
So just over two years ago, the infamous age change for missionary service was made. If you aren’t a member of the LDS church, basically the age at which young men and women would be eligible to serve a full time mission for the church was lowered. Men now had the option to serve at age 18 instead of 19, and women were no able to serve at age 19 instead of waiting till 21.
All of us probably remember where we were when we heard the news. I remember I was up at my friends cabin. We were all 19 at the time so of course the news hit us HARD. On the drive home we could not stop talking about it. “Are you going to go?? Should I go??” The funny thing is, every single one of my friends said in that car that they thought they should go. But do you know what I said? “I think it’s awesome, but this doesn’t change a thing for me. I’m not going to go.”
And for a while I stuck to that mantra. I went on a study abroad, I did tons of fun things with friends, I dated lots of fun guys…but throughout these past two years, that mantra that I chanted to myself wavered at times. Often I questioned, “Well…should I go?” I saw so many girls just like me go and was a bit jealous of their experiences. And sometimes I would have spiritual moments where I felt like I was overwhelmed with the feeling to go…at other times I felt really right with staying. I could never make up my mind with what felt right. Back and forth I constantly went.
This past October, I had just ended a rocky, dramatic, back and forth relationship. And although the end was for the best it hit me HARD. Oh man, it was rough. It was my third break up for the year and man, I hit a low that was unlike any low I’d ever felt. It was rough guys.
During this time I began to question my path. Although the mission thing popped into my mind from time to time, I had been mostly focused on dating. It was where I felt like I should be focusing my attention. But when this third heartbreak came, I questioned if my focus was in the right place. Is this not what I’m supposed to be doing right now? Why am I trying and trying and continuously failing with these amazing guys?
That week, my beautiful friend Eliza called me. I vented to her about my frustration and how I felt like despite my efforts, things were not going the way I wanted them to. I told her that I couldn’t figure out if I was having these experiences to learn and grow, or if things weren’t working out because I was not where Heavenly Father wanted me to be. During this conversation, the mission thing came up again.
Eliza has wanted to serve for a while and was feeling like it was the right thing. She asked me if maybe that was the right thing for me too. I had thought about it so many times but honestly, I had never prayed it out in my mind. I had never given it serious SERIOUS attention and received a definite answer. Every time the thought of serving had come into my mind I had brushed it away.
So this time, I took it seriously. I decided to pray and think hard about it. During this time I felt really good about serving. I thought, well maybe focusing my whole life on my Heavenly Father for a while would be good for me. I never felt super super sure, but it felt good. So I forgot my doubts, went with the good feelings, and started my missionary application.
I felt good and right about it a lot. Many times through the process I had amazing spiritual experiences where I felt like I was doing the right thing. Studying Preach my Gospel is awesome you guys, you should do it even if you're not going on a mission!
Then…about a week before I was supposed to have a meeting with the stake president, the final step before submitting my papers, I was OVERWHELMED with doubt. Is this what I want?? This is A YEAR AND A HALF commitment!! I was freaking out.
I remembered that quote from Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.” So I continued forward and submitted my papers. I figured that if I was on the right path, my doubts would be quieted and that right feeling would return.
Unfortunately, that right feeling never came back. The weeks before my call came I was so unsettled. Every time I thought about it I was overwhelmed with stress and feelings of not-peacefulness. I held strong though. I said hey, maybe when my call comes I will be able to see myself in the place where I’ll serve and know it’s right.
The day my call came was such a weird day for me. Just my family was there and one close friend. After opening my call I smiled and tried to act excited, cause I was supposed to be excited right? I walked my friend out to the car and he told me that he was proud of me and was excited for me. But the second I got inside and started talking to my mom, I just burst into tears.
Why did I feel so wrong? I just felt so unsettled about it. Honestly the only way I can describe it is like I was floating in a bubble above this whole things happening to me. I did not feel in it. I did not feel how I should’ve felt. I did not feel at peace.
Guys it was so hard to feel this way. I wanted to want it. I wanted to feel right and excited to go. It had felt right while I was filling out my papers so why had things taken a 180 turn and never gone back?
I constantly prayed for an answer to serve. I went to the temple, I fasted, I received endless advice from friends, family, and my bishop. But that unsettled feeling never went away. The feeling like I should go never came back. Not once. Not even for a second. Doctrine and Covenants 9:8-9 sums up what I was felling perfectly: "8But, behold, I say unto you, that you must
study it out in your mind; then you must ask me it be right, and if it is right
I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel
that it is right. 9But if it be not right you
shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought
that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot
write that which is sacred save it be given you from me."
Honestly, I wish it could’ve been the right path for me. But I feel so strongly that for some reason I am needed here. In deciding to stay, the feelings of unsettlement went away. I feel so at peace. I am not staying for a boy, I’m not staying because I’m not sure of my testimony (the exact opposite actually). I’m not staying because I don’t think I could do it, I know I could. I know our Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. He knows us and our talents and skills and abilities. He knows where we are needed. He loves us and wants us to be happy.
I’m not 100% sure on the why of feeling the need to stay, but I’m so sure it is right. I know that I would have done so much good out in the field. But I know I am needed for a great good here. I’m sure one day the reason I needed to stay will be clear (hi that's faith, am I right?)
I saw this video a while ago but rewatched it just the other day and was so amazed with how perfectly it described how I feel about this situation. Often I wondered why if I wasn’t supposed to serve I didn’t receive that answer before I submitted my papers. Why I never felt 100% sure one way or the other like I do now. But I know this is why.
I’ve realized now that sometimes you have to jump all in, with both feet, in order to figure out if something is right. You have to get on your knees and pray and then you've got to get on your feet and go to work. You can’t just stand still and hope that God will tell you what to do and make the decision for you. You just have to make decisions, pray for guidance along the way and know that Heavenly Father will be there to help you figure it out as you go. He will not lead you astray. I'm so grateful for this experience because it taught me so much about personal revelation. Answers don't always come all at once. And they don't always come in the way or at the time that you want them to or you think they should. But the answer always comes.
So as you can see, some changes are being made to this little space on the net. My talented and beautiful graphic designer friend Hannah Jenkins will be redesigning my blog over the next few days! She did my original blog design as well but we both felt like it was time to freshen things up. Stay tuned for the new and improved Tea with Kate!
So there's this thing here in Utah....where you can rent a puppy. RENT A PUPPY. Basically you just get to play with a puppy for however long you want (you pay per hour). It is magical you guys. My friends and I were in the need of a pick-me-up after a hard week and so decided to treat ourselves with a little puppy love. And let me tell ya, it was just what the doctor ordered. Little Blossom cured our broken hearts. CAUSE SERIOUSLY LOOK AT HER! Do you just melt?? The only problem with renting a puppy is that when they come to pick her up, it is probably one of the worst things ever. It's okay we're just planning on doing this every weekend.....
