NEVER SAY NEVER

Yes, I know the title of this post is a JB song. You know, sometimes those punks actually say something useful... but this is not about that song at all. Ok well, like maybe a little bit but let's just say his lyrics were not what inspired me. Moving right along.

Today I started a new job that I'm really excited about. I'm working at the University of Utah interning for one of the departments and really, even after the first day, I'm already feeling so grateful for this opportunity. I know I'm going to learn a lot and it's going to be amazing. Challenging, but amazing nonetheless.

So for my first day on the job, I had to walk around campus taking assessments of a few buildings for a project I'll be working on. And let me tell you, that walking around by myself was just what I needed. It gave me so much time to think and ponder about things that really needed thinking about. Right now in my life there are some things that I'm terribly confused about. Things that I was so so sure of and suddenly, am beginning to question. Don't you hate that? Well, I surely do. Being confused about something big in life for long periods of time and not receiving any clarity is frustrating, especially for me because I am not one that likes to not know where life is going. You spontaneous people, how do you do it?? Teach me your ways! Haha I'm a planner and a doer and when things don't go according to the plan that was laid out in my head, the plan that I felt so sure about, it causes me to have minor anxiety attacks. Yeah I know I'm dramatic, deal with it.

But as I was walking and thinking a thought popped into my head, "What is the #1 thing I've learned in my life thus far? After all these things I've gone through, out of all this not knowing what to do about life, what has it taught me?", and the fist thing I thought was, "Never say never." And that was odd to me, that that was the first thing that came to mind. Because I've said never a lot in my life. A LOT. But I suddenly realized that all (and I seriously mean all) of the things that I had once said I would never do, never try... I ended up somewhere down the line giving it a chance. I wish I was kidding when  I say this, but all (and again, I seriously mean all) of the guys I have seriously dated, at one point in life I had said that I would never date them. So many people I've met I said I would never be friends with and somewhere later, we became best buds. Many opportunities I said I would never take and, what do you know, I eventually took them. And I thought to myself, why do I say 'never' ever? Because life is always changing you honestly really don't know how things are going to go. And if you say never, if (and when) you're heart changes, you just have to take it back and say, "oh yeah, I know I said I'd never go there but I'm going there now so deal with it."

All you're doing by saying never is being quick to judge. You're being close minded to something and not looking at it from every possible angle. Because if I was completely open minded about every situation I couldn't say never. I could say "not right now" maybe, but not never. I mean of course, there are things you SHOULD say never to like, okay I can say I'll never murder anyone (hello). But that's something else entirely. Anyways continuing on.

What it really comes down to is that I just have to realize that life is going to change sometimes and it's still going to be okay. It's okay for me to be so so sure about something, but also be open minded enough to understand (and be willing to accept) that that feeling may one day change. My life may take another road I hadn't thought would be possible.

So I decided that from here on out, every door for me is going to be a door that can be opened. A door may be closed for now, but I'm throwing away my keys and not locking another door again. 'Never' will no longer be a word that I will use to define my life. Because, as much as I like to plan and be SO SURE of where I'm going and where I'm headed, I really have no idea what the heck I'm doing. But the Big Man Upstairs sure knows. And I'm not going to close my mind to an opportunity He may push me to take later. Because heaven knows that He probably will.

Even after today, I still may be confused about life and where it is headed. But I know that with my newly acquired open mindedness, I will figure it out eventually and everything will be a-okay. Weekly inspiration: check! This post is a novel I know but I hope someone out there needed to hear this as much as I did!