So the title of this post is extremely misleading because honestly this is something that I'm pretty terrible at. I am in no position to tell anyone how to stop trying to control everything and everyone in their lives...I can't even figure out how to do it myself.
I think this past year or so has been the most refining year of my life. It has brought many, many challenges and as a result, huge amounts of growth. I feel like I've mentioned quite a few times on this blog how challenging this year has been, and I don't want it to come off as if I'm complaining. Because to be quite honest, I am extremely grateful. Right now I feel like I am the best version of myself I have yet to be and that is a wonderful feeling.
Of course though, I still have an incredible amount of growing still left to do. And through all these challenges I have still had a pretty hard time with one particular weakness: letting go of control. Guys I am a CONTROL FREAK. I am a planner, an organizer, a doer; I'm pretty freaking OCD. I am NOT one of those spontaneous people that can just pick up and go at the drop of a hat (and people who are like that seriously stress me out). I have my days planned down to a T; I live by my to-do lists. To sum it up, my life is a happy place when I feel like I know and have control over what's coming my way.
It's been pretty amazing how many situations have come into my life as of late that have required me to give up so much of my control and knowledge of the future. And I know Heavenly Father is giving me these challenges for a reason (He knows what I need to learn...dang it). After I got my
mission call, it was such an overwhelmingly hard thing to say no when I had no idea what would come my way if I stayed. Going on a mission is a pretty sure thing (for the most part). It's mostly predictable, it is always a good decision. So saying no to something so so good without knowing the
why and the
what for feeling the need to stay was tough.
It's so hard to be the person that I am and live in a world where SO many things are out of my control. This world is so unpredictable. And for a person who finds happiness in the predictability of things, saying, "I don't know what's going to happen but I know it'll work out," often feels like I'm lying to myself. It's so hard sometimes to feel things so so strongly about situations or people and yet have no control over the outcome.
But here's one thing I do know for sure. Heavenly Father loves me. And you. And every single person on this earth. And even more,
He has a plan for every single one of us as well. His plan is not for us to be eternally miserable (it's called the
Plan of Happiness for a reason). His plan is not to keep us in the dark all of our lives.
But, His plan does require us to have FAITH. Faith in Him, faith in what he has in store for you, and faith that it will all be okay. For a person like me, sometimes having FAITH and not KNOWLEDGE is very very hard. But I know that it is His way. And I know that if I stay strong in my faith, one day the unknown will become clear.
Ether 12:6 says it far better than I ever could: "And now, I Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness after the trial of your faith."
It was my New Year's Resolution this year to learn to take it a day at a time and just go with the flow, man. To take each day for what it is and not feel like I have to plan my weeks/months/years out ahead of time. Essentially, I am trying to learn to just plan on the unpredictable. More than anything, it has been my goal to let faith lead the way; to put my life in His hands and just simply realize that my ways are not His ways. Cause guys....His ways are way wayyyy better.
